Shock, Yell, Kick… and Expect Cuddles?
We say we love dogs. We share our homes with them, celebrate their birthdays, laugh at their antics on social media, and call them family. And yet, far too often, we still choke, hit, kick, shock, yell at, and intimidate them in the name of training and control. Then we turn around and expect them to be endlessly forgiving, affectionate, calm, and trustworthy.
When you strip it back, the contradiction is staggering.
Imagine applying the same standards to a child: punishing them with physical force or fear, then being confused when they withdraw, lash out, or stop listening altogether. We know from decades of research in child psychology that punitive, fear-based parenting leads to anxiety, aggression, emotional suppression, and broken relationships. So why do we think it would be any different with dogs?
Dogs are not so different from children in how they process relationships and emotions. Studies have shown that dogs, like young children, form attachment bonds with their caregivers and rely on them for safety, reassurance, and guidance (Topál et al., 1998). Dogs, like children, look to us when they're unsure, scared, or learning something new. They don't need punishment to behave better. They need consistency, kindness, and clarity.
And yet, we continue to allow the use of aversive methods because someone on the internet said it works. We follow influencers who say they "just understand dogs," who speak confidently but without any scientific or educational background. Some even claim to have learned everything they know by being "raised by wolves" or from decades of experience that conveniently lacks evidence-based practice.
We are smarter than this.
Scientific research is clear: aversive training methods (like shock collars, prong collars, leash jerks, and intimidation) are not only less effective long-term, they come with significant welfare risks. Studies by Ziv (2017) and Vieira de Castro et al. (2020) show that dogs trained with fear or pain-based methods display higher levels of stress, anxiety, and aggression. They also perform less reliably under pressure and are more likely to develop behavioural problems.
In contrast, positive reinforcement training has been shown to strengthen the dog-human bond, improve learning outcomes, and reduce the likelihood of fear-based behaviours (Hiby et al., 2004). It's a method grounded not only in kindness but in clear, measurable success.
The truth is, punishment-based methods often "work" in the short term because the dog is scared. They suppress behaviour, but they don't address the cause. The dog may stop growling, for example, but only because they learn it's unsafe to do so. That doesn’t mean they feel better. It means they’re bottling up stress and fear—and when it surfaces, it often does so explosively.
We are asking dogs to live in an increasingly complex world: crowded cities, busy homes, noisy streets, unpredictable strangers, overstimulation, and endless social expectations. Then we demand that they respond like trained professionals without ever giving them the tools to succeed.
And when they falter—when they growl, bark, pull on the lead, or bite in fear—we blame them, not ourselves. We label them as "dominant," "bad," or "broken," when in reality they are overwhelmed, under-supported, or in pain.
It's time to shift the narrative. To stop applauding harshness and start rewarding patience. To value science over anecdote. To hold ourselves to a higher standard not because it's easy, but because it's right.
Because dogs don’t need to be forced into submission to love us. They already want to.
And if we truly love them in return, we have to start acting like it.
Key References:
Topál, J., Miklósi, Á., Csányi, V., & Dóka, A. (1998). Attachment behavior in dogs (Canis familiaris): A new application of Ainsworth's (1969) strange situation test. Journal of Comparative Psychology, 112(3), 219.
Ziv, G. (2017). The effects of using aversive training methods in dogs—A review. Journal of Veterinary Behavior, 19, 50-60.
Vieira de Castro, A. C., Barrett, J., de Sousa, L., & Mills, D. S. (2020). Carrots versus sticks: The relationship between training methods and dog welfare. Frontiers in Veterinary Science, 7, 442.
Hiby, E. F., Rooney, N. J., & Bradshaw, J. W. S. (2004). Dog training methods: their use, effectiveness and interaction with behaviour and welfare. Animal Welfare, 13(1), 63-69.